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Colbear
The Colbear is Stephen's arch-nemesis. and Stephen Colbert's arch-nemesis in his grizzly form.]] The Colbear is a 20 ft tall godless killing machine and is the prime leader of the Bearluminaty along with Crowley. He is a combination of a black bear, a polar bear, a grizzly bear, satan, and an alcoholic pot head commie; making him the closest thing to the ultimate killing machine there is. It also cofounded the North American Man-Bear Love Association with Democrat Mark Foley. Unholy Creation As legend goes the Colbear was created deep in the depths of hell the moment Stephen Colbert was born. It was created by satan himself to plague Colbert for his entire life. The Colbear legend even suggests that Colbert has a recurring nightmare where he is in an epic battle against the Colbear. Abilities Since he is a combination of all three types of bears, he is able to kill in any condition; he has the grizzly's ferocity with the polar bears's tolerance for cold, along with the black bear's ability to climb trees. He is even able to change his form to one of the three bear types depending on which one suits his killer needs. It has been said that Colbear, much like Stephen Colbert, has honed his skills with a lightsaber and is capable of Jedi mind tricks and is also capable of choking you to death using his mind alone! He is also experienced in martial arts and was trained by Bruce Lee. The Colbear had tricked him into training him, and later told Mr. Lee he was faster than a bullet and used his trickery into letting him fire a bullet at him in a televised stunt that ended in his untimely death and making sure no one else would be able to obtain the fighting skills he now posesses. He can currently only be in one form of each bear at one time, but is training his power to be able to morph each form together, but will be unable to do so as long as we have Teddy Ruxpin locked up safely in our bear prisons. Without his amazing story telling abilities, he will be unable to transform into the ultimate killing machine. His Sith training makes him skilled and dangerous with a lightsaber and allows him to shoot lightning from his claws. Past Battles The dreaded Colbear has been a major opponent in many bear battles before. Unfortunately, even our outstanding Colbert National Guard is unable to compete with his immense power and he is able to overpower even them. But, he is no match for our brave and god-like leader Stephen Colbert and has been driven off each time they have faced off. Chuck Norris has faced him before but was defeated. The Colbear almost ate him but lost interest when Chuck said that he saw Dr. Stephen Colbert and ran off in search. Chuck Norris then said "Buffoonery" and vanished into a poof of smoke. Predictions Many believe the Colbear will lead the Bear uprising of 2012. It is during that time that Stephen Colbert and the Colbear will have their final battle against one another on the top of Mt. Rushmore. It is unsure if the Colbear has anything to do with the Anti-Christ but my gut predicts that it does. Current News on the Colbear The dreaded Colbear has been seen slowly moving from Antarctica, where many bears have taken refuge under the Colbear's mighty un-american claws, to South Dakota, where it can only be assumed that he (Colbear) wishes to have his final battle with his crafty nemesis, Stephen Colbert, atop the scalps of the greatest presidents in history. The Colbear, or a bear impersonating the Colbear, has taunted Stephen Colbert by making his own Green Screen Challenge (as seen here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yblXDWQVEko, and trying to start a "bearvolution" in the capitol of everything un-american, San Francisco. A video of this bearvolution can be seen here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT7tNen3pYE See Also *Bears *Polar bears *Ice 9 *The Left Wing Madness *Winnie The Pooh *Bearism *Bear uprising of 2012